That Thursday morning my life changed forever. February 20, 2020, Hunter, hung himself awaiting a hearing in Shoshone County Jail a Wallace Idaho facility. We, my husband Michael and I, were at home asleep. Blessing: Michael and I were together. We lived in Granite Falls Washington. God gave Michael the strength to be there for me.

It was not normal for someone to be pounding on our door at 5:30 am. Michael answered the door, it was a Police officer. Michael came to the room and said I needed to come out, I said “what is going on?” He then replied, “There is an Officer at the door.” I can’t explain it, but I instantly knew Hunter was home – his real home – heaven. I still didn’t want to believe it though. The scene of the police officer at the door to inform you of the loss of a loved one, is NEVER, EVER, one you are prepared for!

Needless to say, that was followed by so many questions and disbelief. In my heart I knew Hunter was safely in the arms of Jesus. I was silently praying, God please give me strength for my family. After the officer left, I called my sister to ask her to go to my parents’ house I needed to talk to everyone. Hearing my sister scream, having my mother say, what do I do?... My family was in shock and as you could imagine had lots of questions. I could feel their pain… Blessing: We were not alone, we were together.

Blessing: Our friends, Tony and Melissa Bonnallie came to our house, standing in the gap with God. Melissa climbed in bed with me and held me while I wept uncontrollably. Comforted me on the worst day of my life!!! Reminding me of the hope and truth of Jesus. Meanwhile, Tony, Michael and Gared our youngest son (Michael’s son from his previous marriage), were holding together by the three strand thread of hope of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Michael and I kept going. We didn’t know what to do? Shock, disbelief – is this really happening? My Hunter gone?! I only had one place to go – God. I asked for a verse, picked up my Bible and God gave me Psalm 91:2, “I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, whom I trust.”

What has gotten me through? Focusing on God. Embracing his love, goodness, mercy, holiness, grace and comfort. Knowing Hunter had Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior. John 3:16, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” Jesus died on the cross for our sins so we could be forgiven through faith in Him. His sacrifices were based on His love, not on our merit. Salvation is a gift. Jesus wants us to give Him our heart. Accept the free gift of salvation. Hunter accepted the gift of salvation. That’s where the blessing comes in. I know I will see Hunter again in heaven. Psalm 139:13-16. Hunter is walking with our Lord. There will always be an ache in my heart for Hunter that will only be healed when we are united in heaven together.

I thank God that my grieving Hunter is not feelings of helplessness, fear, anger or guilt. It’s immense sadness because Hunter was such a wonderful son, friend, cousin, nephew, grandson and man. Blessing: Revelation 21:4, “God will wipe away every tear from our eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”

Hunter’s journey is complete…

My journey continues…